A throuple is a romantic relationship involving three people.
While the concept remains largely alien and controversial in Nigerian society, it has become more visible in parts of the Western world, with celebrities like Ne-Yo openly embracing polyamorous relationships.
In Nigeria, Chidinma, Jeffrey and Precious, popularly known online as the “Feral Throuple,” appear to be among the country’s most visible throuples, attracting significant attention across social media.
According to them, Jeffrey was initially married to Chidinma before he met and introduced Precious into the relationship. Together, they now live as partners in a loving, emotionally secure union.
In an interview with PREMIUM TIMES, they spoke about jealousy, intimacy, trust and navigating an unconventional relationship in a conservative society.
Excepts:
PT: How long have you been married?
Feral Throuple: We’ve been married for five years (Chidinma and Jeffrey) and have been together for nine years in total. Precious has been with us for one year, but we’ve been together for eight years, just a one-year break in between. However, in terms of fully understanding, it has been about a year.
PT: Throuples are uncommon in Nigeria. What are some of the challenges you grapple with every day?
Feral Throuple: In society, we don’t consider anything a challenge, but individually, some of our families definitely would have a hard time coming around the concept. So that would be the only personal challenge. But regarding society, we are really confident in what we have. So we don’t really have any issues with society generally.
PT: What do you all love most about being in a throuple, and what do you dislike about it?
Feral Throuple: Things we love. It’s like a community. It’s more interesting than just a regular couple. We have more fun together. If you think about it from the financial aspect, there’s also more income. There are more ideas. It’s literally an empire together. It’s a company as well. We’re building together.
Things we dislike, and we are not sure because no human is perfect. You would have some things you don’t like about your spouse. But it’s different from the idea of being a throuple. We all like everything about the idea of being a throuple. It’s just that, individually, each person might have something they don’t like about the other.
PT: What religion do you practise?
Feral Throuple: We are not religious. We all have a Christian background. We were raised in a Christian home, but right now we don’t consider ourselves religious.
PT: Do you attend church together as a throuple?
Feral Throuple: We practice spirituality, that’s all. We still attend church, not every Sunday, but we do attend. But attending church doesn’t make us religious.
PT: We saw in one of your videos that you attended a club together. How does that work? In clubs, people dance with others, so do you only dance among yourselves, or do you allow other people to dance with your partner?
Feral Throuple: Other women are allowed to dance with us. It’s just the same way in the club. Some women dance with their female friends. But the boundary is when it’s a man; a man is not allowed. For the same reason, men don’t allow their wives to dance with other men. It’s just as simple as that.
PT: Are you intentionally choosing not to have children yet? If you decide to have children, would it be in turns? For example, would Chidinma have a child first and then Precious later, or would you consider surrogacy?
Feral Throuple: We are open to all these possibilities. We don’t have set rules regarding children. We believe that when the time is right, they will come. And if we don’t ever feel all together at that point, we are okay not having children. There are no set rules exactly for all of us right now. And whatever we decide to change our minds to, it has to be something that we all collectively want.
We have faced this pressure for the longest, Chidinma and I especially. And it hasn’t changed anything about our decision. So I think the pressure has already subsided, at least for now. They’ve left us choices after all this time.
PT: Have you ever broken up, or has your relationship ever been threatened? If yes, what caused it?
Feral Throuple: For Chidinma and Jeffrey, it was quite rocky at first. The beginning of our relationship wasn’t always smooth. We didn’t really break up; it never lasted more than two days. We didn’t understand each other, but we never split. We were together for years until we started to understand each other better.
For Jeffrey and Precious, there were some on-and-offs, and we did break up once before we came back together. So it wasn’t always smooth for each of us, the choice to be together. But after the whole rollercoaster, we decided, and we were able to see clearly for ourselves that we were meant to be together.
PT: What do all of you do for a living?
Feral Throuple: We all collectively work together. Chidinma and Jeffrey were drop-shippers from China to Australia, in the fashion industry. In recent times, we are going heavy on content creation. So that’s also something on the side. And Precious is also an influencer for fashion brands. And she’s a content creator, too.
We don’t have a joint account. We have a company, but we all earn differently at different times. But we all operate the finances collectively. So there’s transparency in every one of our earnings.
PT: How do you handle money?
Feral Throuple: Literally, the way we live. Just as a monogamous relationship in the church is, you have the head of the house. Jeffrey mostly handles the household finances. It’s with the collective consent of everyone that we decide how to spend every penny. So we all make contributions and control together the same time.
Jeffrey (the man)
PT: How did you meet each other?
Jeffrey: A friend from school introduced Chidinma to me. I did not meet Chidinma at an ice cream shop. We were together for a while, and then about a year later, I went to buy ice cream for Chidinma. And that’s where I met Precious. I am not considering any third wife or anything at this point.
My women and I are open and aligned, and it’s something we all will have to agree to, but none of us is thinking about it.
PT: You said you were once married to Chidinma. Were you legally married in court, or were you cohabiting? Under what law are you legally married?
Jeffrey: We were married in court. We have a certificate. We married in Ikoyi.
PT: Do you also have a legal wedding with Precious, since she appears to be the third person in the relationship?
Jeffrey: It’s not legal yet in Nigeria. So we don’t have one in Nigeria. I’m working on getting another with Precious in a different country. We have our plans. So maybe when we get to that point, we’ll cross it together.
PT: Are your families aware of the marriages, and are the women’s families aware as well?
Jeffrey: Well, there’s no issue with my family. I still spoke to them some months ago. I’m not in very regular communication with them as I was when I was younger. So, regarding my marriage, they are aware of Chidinma. They know about her as my wife, and Chidinma’s family is aware of my marriage and relationship with Precious.
And no one in Chidinma’s family has a problem with it. So Precious’s family are just like everyone else, finding out about our relationship through social media. So it’s not something that we are approaching just yet. And they definitely are not in support of it as well. At least not yet.
PT: In one of your interviews, you said intimacy depends on the mood. When you say sometimes it is with one person, is it in the absence of the other, or how do you decide, considering jealousy and emotions? Is there a roster, or are there times when all three of you are involved together?
Jeffrey: In this space here, I’ll tell you there’s no jealousy at all. We all live in the same house, so no one’s travelling for intimacy to happen. So it happens that they are just away sometimes. Sometimes they are not. It just depends on what I feel like and what the other person feels like at the moment.
So that’s how it happens. There’s no roster. It’s like we said, it’s just what we feel like at the moment. That’s how it happens.
PT: People have said that you appear to benefit the most because you are a man with two women. If you ever considered a fourth person, would it be a man?
Jeffrey: I believe we are all benefiting. No human stays in a place that doesn’t benefit them. So all the ladies are benefiting. I am benefiting. And collectively, we are all building towards what we love. We are all enjoying our marriage together. So it means everyone is benefiting.
If I ever consider a fourth person, it will only be a woman. There is no space for a man. It’s not jealousy. It’s just a spiritual construct. The same is what we operate by in the aspect of a man and a woman. Ours is just a man and two women. It could be three women. Same as all the men in the Bible who are polygamous.
It’s just the same thing. There has never been a situation where a man was in the mix. David, Abraham and Solomon. It’s the same thing. So the women could go as many as 1,000 if it’s possible. But then there is no space for a man.
PT: You said in an interview that you planned to wed Precious in South Africa formally. Is that still in the cards, and where else would this kind of marriage be accepted?
Jeffrey: What binds us together is not necessarily certificates and laws. What binds us together is our choice to be together. So the rest is just a formality. We are not heavily dependent on it.
PY: What advice would you give to young men who are interested in this type of marriage?
Jeffrey: I think it’s all about spiritual capability, intellectual capability. So, you have to be a very honest person before you do anything. You have to be honest with yourself. So, a man who looks at this has to ask if he has the intellectual capability or spiritual capability to take on something like this.
Because it’s not something I dreamt of, it happened on my path, and I believe God brought it my way because I can handle it. So, anyone who sees this has to ask themselves whether they have the emotional, spiritual, and financial capacity to handle this. So, it’s not for everyone.
Chidinma (first woman in the marriage)
PT: Are your family members aware of your husband’s relationship with the second woman?
Chidinma: They’re aware, and at first they thought it was a joke, but over time they have realised that it’s serious and that this is permanent. So I basically make decisions from my own choices and awareness. My family are also aware of how I make my choices. So everybody gets used to it at the end of the day.
PT: Have either you or Precious ever travelled out of town and left the other alone with Jeffrey?
Chidinma: I have travelled and left both of them together, and Precious has also left both of us together. We don’t see that as an issue. I’m used to it. First of all, I love her as well. She’s my wife, and we don’t have that relationship of selfishness going on here. For three people to come together and be in a relationship like this, you have to be secure. You have to be free from the spirit of jealousy.
Jealousy is not a bad emotion. It’s what you use it to do. If you’re not getting the attention you need, you ask for it. You don’t act out of emotion or harbour malice or any of those kinds of things. So there’s nothing wrong with a relationship like ours. It’s just the people who are doing it. I believe the three of us are emotionally mature enough to handle whatever comes up.
PT: How do you handle jealousy, trust and insecurity?
Chidinma: I started dating Jeffrey in my early 20s. So we’ve spent time, and I’ve encountered groups. I’ve seen life to some extent, and I’ve had experiences that make me feel secure and help me know the kind of man I am dating. Will I do this with another man? No. Obviously not, because the capacity to handle two women requires a lot of emotional intelligence.
I haven’t found that in anyone before meeting Jeffrey. So we handle insecurity. First of all, you have to work on yourself before you start dating someone. And if you are dating someone, you have to work on yourself in the relationship constantly. So, how I handle jealousy, insecurity, and all those things is by talking about them.
Communication is very important. Constant communication. No matter how it may sound, I like to communicate about my every feeling. And I encourage it in Precious as well.
PT: How do you deal with the fear that the two of them may grow closer without you?
Chidinma: I’m not scared of anybody growing closer without me. I’m only focused on my relationship with both of them. Whatever is written in the stars, if that happens, then the alignment is good. I don’t really focus on whether they’re growing closer or whether their relationship is getting better. I want it to get better.
I want them to grow closer. I want their relationship to get better because it also reflects in my relationship with both of them. So there’s no competition here about whether one person’s relationship with the man is getting better or whether Precious and Precious are getting closer.
Of course, everyone wants everyone’s relationships to get better. So I want their relationship to get better. I want them to grow closer. I want my relationship with Precious to get better. I want my relationship with Jeffrey to get better as well. So I’m not struggling for anything. I’m not scared of losing. I don’t move with fear at all. That’s not how I operate.
PT: What advice would you give to young ladies who find this kind of relationship interesting and may want to explore or enter into something similar?
Chidinma: First of all, our marriage was not pre-planned. It was something that came out of alignment. We saw and realised that this is what fits us and what is our reality. So, if somebody looks at our marriage and says they want something like this, they have to think first of all whether they can handle it, whether they are emotionally intelligent enough, and who they are doing it with.
If they also have emotional intelligence, because everything you do, whether it is a monogamous relationship, getting married to one man or getting married to one woman, you have to go with a full understanding of what you are doing and the consequences as well. So, you have to be aware of whatever you are trying to do and don’t just look at people’s relationships and decide.
Just the same way as a monogamous relationship. You cannot look at a monogamous relationship because of the weddings and say, oh I want to go and get married because marriage looks good. You really have to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with those people, and with that person as well. So, it’s not about fairytales and what you see on TV. It’s about being firm and concrete in your decisions.
Precious (the second woman in the marriage)
PT: Is your family aware of the marriage?
Precious: Yes, they are somewhat aware of it through social media. I don’t think I’ve gotten any serious response from them because I had cut off communication with them for personal reasons beforehand.
PT: Are they supportive of it?
Precious: I wouldn’t really know their stance, but clearly, they won’t be supporting it. I don’t need my parents’ permission to get married. I’ll get married if I want to.
PT: Since you were the last person to join the relationship, do you sometimes feel like an intruder?
Precious: No, I don’t. So, whatever people say on their social media doesn’t concern me. Social media is not real life. Whatever they are saying is not my reality.
PT: Have either you or Chidinma ever travelled out of town and left the other alone with Jeffrey?
Precious: Yes, definitely. For a while. I wasn’t really with them all the time because I was in school. So, there were so many times when we were just the two of us together.
PT: How do you handle jealousy, trust and insecurity?
Precious: We don’t have a lot of that because we are always talking. So, we communicate a lot, and if I feel like I need attention, I’ll say, ‘Oh, I’m missing you, and I need attention right now.’ It’s as simple as that.
PT: As the third person in the relationship, does that mean there could eventually be a fourth person? If so, would that person also be a woman?
Precious: Definitely, we wouldn’t add a man to this. There’s no pressure. If a fourth person is coming in, it’s an alliance with everyone. I would accept it if we were all aligned.
PT: If you had a friend or someone close to you who felt moved and motivated by your relationship, would you advise that person to go into it?
Precious: I would tell them to choose what aligns with them the most and what makes them the happiest. I wouldn’t just tell the person that it’s all bed and roses and that he’s so easy; it’s definitely up to the person how his situation works. So, if it aligns with them, they should go for it.